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THE ROLE OF PARENTS, GRANDPARENTS,
AUNTS, UNCLES AND MENTORS.
Learning starts at home. It is a continuous process in which those surrounding the child have the most powerful influence. Parents have an especially important role to play in teaching their children to read. It should start with them reading out loud to their offspring and later listening to them read back. Books and stories should be an integral part of the process of growing up. The bedtime story takes away the pressures of the day. It gives a child a feeling of security before drifting into sleep.
Through force of circumstance many parents are not able to spend as much time as they would like with their children. This provides a unique opportunity for grandparents to play a role in the bringing up their grandchildren. There are innumerable reasons why they should do this. Not the least amongst them is the "feel good" factor that comes with simply being there to give a helping hand when it is needed.
IDEAL recognises the value of encouraging aunts and uncles to help with the raising of their nieces and nephews. Children are a responsibility but they are also a source of great joy. Sharing them part of the time can bring a wonderful bonus into the lives of others, especially of those who have no children. Handing over the care of a child from time to time to a relative or a close friend can provide a welcome relief, especially by single a parent, from the constant responsibility of bringing up a child.
We all need help to guide us on our journey through life. When we are young our parents fulfil the role completely. As we grow up and seek to become independent that relationship changes. This almost invariably leads to confrontations. The need to keep the bedroom tidy is perhaps the most common source of contention. Most of the time such conflicts can be resolved with only a small amount of emotional stress on both sides.
Sometimes, however, especially in dysfunctional families, disputes can lead to antisocial behaviour and resentment to interference from any form of authority, including teachers, by both parents and their offspring. Such situations are made worse by parents who just do not know how to cope with their children when they misbehave. Both sides need help. So who can the rebellious youngster, whose parents are bickering with one another and who hates school, turn to for help and guidance?
The answer is someone who is sympathetic. Someone to talk to on a one to one basis. Someone who is not directly involved in the problem but can understand it from the youngster’s point of view. Someone who is wise and fair. Someone who is impartial. In other words a mentor. Finding a mentor with all these virtues is desirable, but by no means essential. Mentors can come in all ages, shapes and sizes. Often they are older siblings.
Grandparents make ideal mentors. Having been children themselves and brought up children of their own, they can see problems from both sides. Furthermore, passing on lessons that they themselves have learnt gives them a sense that there is still some real purpose in their own lives.
When it comes to learning English grandparents, who may not have had the benefit of a thorough grounding in the subject, should not be deterred by the fact they may not know the difference between onomatopoeia (a word that sounds like its meaning e.g. whoosh) and alliteration (the use of a series of connected words that begin with the same letter e.g. delightful dolphin Dilo). If necessary such words can be looked up in a dictionary. The role of grandparents is to give guidance, not just in the literary sense, but in all aspects of life. Put another way they should adopt a holistic approach to learning English, which is what IDEAL is all about.
The pace of life for young people is becoming ever more frenetic. Many parents have stressful jobs and work long hours. For the tired, irritable and often bemused child, contact with a grandparent can bring a welcome period of quiet calm. In these periods apparently insurmountable problems can be aired and overcome. Grandparents can point out that through experience they have discovered that there are no unsolvable problems. Only unfound solutions. Another adage that grandparents can pass on to their grandchildren is that finding solutions is much easier when the brain is not tired. So simply calming the agitated child and telling him or her to “sleep on it” could be all the wise counselling that is needed to solve a problem.
Helping out in this very simple way can be very rejuvenating for the grandparent. The whole process can start with the grandparent simply reading out loud to a distraught grandchild. Taking their mind into the mysterious, challenging yet beautiful undersea world of a dolphin is a form of gentle therapy in itself.
We live in an age when family units are becoming smaller and more dispersed. Often grandparents and older brothers and sisters are just not on hand to give advice when it is needed. In such circumstances help is available outside the family.
Local authorities have long recognised the need to deal with special cases and they employ trained counsellors to help children with defined special needs. An inability to read and write is often disguised with bravado which can easily lead to crime. Youngsters who really go off the rails can end up in detention centres where their illiteracy is identified and remedial action is offered. If inmates are willing, this can take the form of help with reading and writing by sympathetic volunteers from outside the prison service
Illiteracy, with its attendant loss of self-esteem and reduction in job opportunities, is of concern to all those involved in the welfare of young people. The value of mentoring to ameliorate such situations, particularly in inner cities, was officially recognised in Britain in 1995 with the establishment of the National Mentoring Network.* The scheme was successful from the outset. By 2002 over four thousand mentors were working in more than a thousand schools.
The mentors in the scheme are not trained counsellors. Mentors are dedicated volunteers and participate on a voluntary basis. They are carefully vetted before they are allocated to specific students. The backgrounds and expertise of mentors who are of all ages and come from all walks of life, are matched to the needs of their mentees. A boy or girl who finds learning to read difficult can be helped by a sympathetic sixteen year old, whereas a student who has a tendency to be violent may benefit from guidance by an older person who has perhaps had experience in one of the armed services. If a mentor-mentee relationship doesn’t work out it can be terminated by either party.
The National Mentoring Network operates in different ways in different schools and with different age groups, but mostly with years 10 and 11 i.e. youngsters aged 14 - 16. In some cases students are taken out of class, usually for an hour, and have one to one sessions with their mentors who visit the school. In others mentoring takes place outside normal school hours. Some mentors, depending on the time they have available, have several mentees. Most mentors agree that one year is the minimum time needed to establish a relationship and bring about a significant change in a mentee. Two years is preferable.
In the city of Kingston upon Hull one enterprising ex-headmaster persuaded the Corporation and some local businesses to release suitable employees for a few hours a week to take part in the National Mentoring Network on the basis that it was in everyone’s interest to ensure that all youngsters should be helped to maximise their potential in the job market. The mentors had meetings once a month at the Sir Henry Cooper School to discuss issues involved with the scheme, such as how to monitor progress. In many cases the role of mentors was to change the attitude of mentees who had been mentally programmed, because of their backgrounds, to have low employment expectations and could see little value in anything more than minimal educational standards.
At the other end of the scale most infant and junior schools, whose students are younger, welcome voluntary support from mums, dads and grandparents to help out with children of all abilities. In addition to supervising during lunch breaks and playtimes they assist teachers in class in different subjects, especially with learning to read and write.
Volunteer Reading Help* is a national charity which recruits and trains volunteers from the local community to give individual help to children in primary schools who find reading difficult. The sessions, which are informal and tailored to individual needs, are aimed at leaving pupils with a sense that they are making progress.
*National Mentoring Network, Charles House, Albert St, Eccles, Manchester M30 0PD www.nmn.org.uk
*Volunteer Reading Help. 38 Kingoland Rd, London E2 8DD. www.vrh.co.uk
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